I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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