last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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