Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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