I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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