Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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