Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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