you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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