i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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