I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Randomize
