He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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