Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
