I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
