Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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