i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful