Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!