Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE