worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.