at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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