How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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