All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
