just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
