I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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