Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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