He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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