I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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