ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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