i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm passing your future prison.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
