it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
