New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
