in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am naked and annoyed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
