i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?