how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.