i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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