just come out here and I will go home with you...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...