i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.