Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.