ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.