hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just found puke in my bra..
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven