I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
