It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm passing your future prison.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life