i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!