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I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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