i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How naked do you want me to be?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
