The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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