OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
