I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
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I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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