My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
