Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
