I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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