Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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