well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
