matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.