someone owes me an orgasm
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people