you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.