umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
