he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
