I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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