just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize