New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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