im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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