Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't deserve a penis
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize